15 Hard Truths About Pastoring No One Warned Me About

"15 hard truths about pastoring" 

Being a pastor is hard. Really hard.

Too often, the church only talks about the blessings of ministry, like it’s all joy and growth every single day. But what about the hard truths? The late nights, the loneliness, the weight you carry that no one sees? Sometimes I wonder, do we leave that part out because we’re afraid people won’t step into ministry if they know the truth?

I’m not sharing this to scare you. I’m sharing this to prepare you. There are lessons I wish someone had told 25-year-old me before I stepped into ministry. I had to learn them the hard way over decades of ministry experience. Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. Ministry is the hardest job you'll ever have. 

“No joke—ministry is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Take the toughest thing you’ve faced in life and multiply it by a hundred. That’s ministry. When I first started, I thought I was ready, but nothing really prepares you. If you’re stepping into ministry because it looks fun or easy, you won’t last. Ministry isn’t just a job, it’s a calling. And it will stretch you in every way. The good news? If God calls you, He’ll give you the strength to keep going, because you can’t do it on your own.”

2. Overwork gets celebrated—but it quietly crushes your family

“I’ll be honest—this one hit me hard in my own life. In ministry, people will cheer you on when you give every hour to the church. They’ll call you dedicated, they’ll admire your work ethic, and sometimes you’ll even get a bigger platform because of it. But what they don’t see is what happens at home when you’re never there.  

You’ll face hard choices showing up for your ministry, or showing up for your family, and the weight of that choice never gets easier.”

3. People act differently around pastors

“I can’t tell you how many times this has happened. I’ll be at a dinner, or maybe at one of my kid’s ball games, or even playing a round of golf, and I’m having a normal conversation—laughing, talking about sports, the weather, whatever.

Then someone asks the question: ‘So, what do you do for a living?’

The moment I say, ‘I’m a pastor,’ everything changes. Sometimes they get quiet. Sometimes they apologize for the way they were just talking. Other times, they just avoid me altogether.

It’s like I stopped being a person and suddenly became a job title.

4. You’re expected to be “on” 24/7

Midnight calls. Late-night texts. Some urgent, some not. Ministry doesn’t clock out, so setting boundaries isn’t optional—it’s survival. This is hard for me, I really want to be there for people when I can. Get help, build a care team. 

5. When people leave your church, it hurts

“I’ll never forget the first time it happened. I had poured into this family for months—late-night phone calls, hospital visits, counseling sessions, even helping them move into their new house. I thought we were in it for the long haul together. Then one Sunday, they were just… gone. No conversation. No explanation. Just gone.

And here’s the thing—deep down I knew it wasn’t about me. People leave for all kinds of reasons: job changes, preferences, conflicts I’ll never know about. But in my heart, it felt like rejection. It felt personal. And truthfully, every time it happens, it still does.”

6. “Expect betrayal from the people you least thought would hurt you.”

“I always thought the hardest criticism would come from people outside the church. But I was wrong. The deepest wounds weren’t from strangers—they came from people I prayed with, ate meals with, and trusted. When the betrayal came, it wasn’t just disappointing—it was heartbreaking. Nothing cuts deeper than being hurt by the very people you thought would stand beside you.”

7. People measure success by the size of your crowd

I wish it weren’t true, but it is. Growth brings praise, decline brings blame. Whether we like it or not, many judge success by numbers instead of impact. Numbers do matter because people matter, but always give God the credit. He's the one bringing change and salvation. 

8. You’ll battle bitterness—and even depression

There will be seasons of doubt in God’s provision, frustration with people in your church, and even depression. One of the darkest years of my life came directly from a ministry experience gone wrong. Depression became a real thing in my life, but I overcame much of the darkest with a daily prayer time, and consistently filling my mind with the truth of the Bible. 📚

9. Your family will be profoundly affected

Ministry impacts your family either for better or worse. Some families grow closer to God together; others break apart. Ministry can strengthen or strain your family, fight bitterness, do everything you can to keep it out of your heart. Teach your family how to love, and seek forgiveness. 

10. You’ll never feel like you’re enough

Most of the time when we feel discouraged in our calling, it’s because we’ve fallen into the comparison trap.

I remember going to a conference years ago to hear John Maxwell speak. As I sat there listening, I was both inspired and—if I’m honest—a little jealous. My thought was, “Man, I wish I could speak like that.”

Here’s the thing: comparison is like running a race while staring at the person in the next lane. The moment you take your eyes off your own lane, you slow down, stumble, or drift off course. The race was never about beating them—it was about finishing the course marked out for you.

The next time you feel that twinge of comparison, remember: it’s a trap. And the best way out is gratitude, growth, and trust.

11. Money will be tight

“When I first started in ministry, money was tight 💰 —like, really tight. I remember sitting at the kitchen table with with my wife Brenda, wondering how we were going to pay the power bill. Should I find another job? should I get a part time job? We started a paper route, if your under thirty you might need to google paper route 🤣. Looking back on it now, God has always provided. 

12. Spiritual warfare is real

The enemy will attack you, and your family in ways you never imagined. In my experience, my family faces attacks first, right before God does something incredible. Pray consistently, and don’t hesitate to ask others to cover your family in prayer. 🙏

13. Leaving a Church Hurts

Leaving a church is hard. When you move on, you leave behind friends, leaders, and a church family you love. It feels like leaving a part of your heart behind. And if you have a family, they feel that pain too.

I know this because I’ve walked through it. Church isn’t just a building. It’s where you share meals, pray together, watch kids grow up, and go through life’s biggest moments. It’s where you laugh and where you cry. That’s why saying goodbye feels so heavy.

But here’s what I’ve learned: leaving doesn’t mean you failed. Sometimes God asks us to stay, and sometimes He asks us to step into something new. Both can be hard, but both are part of following Him.

14. You’ll think about quitting often

Mondays have always been the hardest for me as a pastor. I remember one Sunday when everything went really well, people listened, worship was so powerful, and everyone was so happy to be there. But later, someone made a small, critical comment on facebook about my sermon.

That one little remark stuck with me. It followed me into Monday, and I started to doubt everything. I often think back to that moment and I'm reminded of my dependance on God and His Spirit. Sometimes we need to be humbled so we look more to God for our assurance and approval, and not the words of people.  

15. In the end it will be more than worth it

Giving your whole life to Jesus is the best thing you can do. Some days are really hard, and you may feel like giving up. But it’s worth it. 

When you stick with it, you get to see God change lives. People find hope, families come back together, and friends who were far from God return to Him. There is nothing better than watching someone experience God for the first time. My favorite day is always our baptism Sunday. 

The truth is—what you do now doesn’t just help people today. It can impact generations to come, and even people you’ll never meet. Ministry is hard, but seeing God work through you makes it all worth it. Since my time in ministry I've tried to change my attitude from being bitter to being grateful. Be grateful and thankful everyday you get to serve the church. 

Can you relate? What do you wish someone had told you before you started ministry?