15 Hard Truths About Pastoring No One Warned Me About

Speaker 1: 0:00

Now let's be honest. Okay, I've been a pastor for many years and I'm going to tell you this it's very difficult. I'm not trying to be negative or scare you, but I want to be honest with you. If you're in ministry, maybe you're new to ministry, maybe you've been pastoring for a long time this is very difficult to do and I think we need to say that we need to prepare ministers for what's to come the war that's coming. It's very important that you see this not just a career call. This is a calling. This is something I had to learn the hard way, because it is all fun and joy and things are great and church can be amazing, but it comes with some hard truths that I want to share with you today. Fifteen of those. I want to just open my heart and let you see what's happened to me, and my hope would be that you can take these and it will encourage you that you can apply whatever you learn today to what you're going through. Hey, it's great to have you back to the Speak on Purpose podcast. I am your host, brian Cox, and our mission here is to help pastors deliver better sermons and lead great churches. If you're new to our community. Please go to speakonpurposepodcastcom website and you can download a free Speak on purpose guide today. Just join our email list. Now let's jump into our next episode.

Speaker 1: 2:09

15 things I wished I knew before I became a pastor. Here we go. Number one ministry is the hardest job you'll ever have. No joke, for me, ministry was very difficult. Take the hardest thing you've ever faced times 10, and for me, that's ministry. It's not something that discourages me, it's just something I didn't know when I started. I was 33 when I jumped into ministry. I had no idea. It was all fun, we had a great time, but as things got tough, I learned something about myself. I learned that God had called me to ministry, not that this was a career or a job anymore. I had to realize that for myself. Maybe you too are in that same situation, where things are not as good as they were. You need to really take the time with God and figure out is this a calling or is this a job? Number two overwork gets celebrated while it quietly crushes your family. This hit me pretty hard because it reminded me of a time that this was so true. I remember coming home and I was preaching that weekend and that's all you think about. You don't even see anyone else in the room because you're constantly thinking about what you're going to say. I had to work at that. I had to learn to balance that with my family, because it's going to come down to a decision you have to make Do I sacrifice the church or do I sacrifice my family? You won't be the only one that suffers. Your family will also suffer. You need to remember that. I would say this Get balance now. Find a way to have balance. I would say this get balance now. Find a way to have balance. Have a day off. Spend some time with the family. It's so important.

Speaker 1: 4:33

Number three people act differently around you. I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me Everywhere I go. I'm at my kid's ball game. Just the other day I'm playing golf and we didn't have enough players so they put us with somebody. We always hate that because we don't know them. We have to carry conversations and we're talking about halfway through the round. This man looked at me and he said hey, that dreaded question. Most pastors dread. Okay, what do you do for a living? And you know you hesitate for a moment because you're not sure how they're going to take this and you say, well, I'm a pastor. You could feel it in the air. Everything changed. They begin to talk differently, they apologize for the way they've been talking and all the language they've been using and it's like all of a sudden you're not a person, you're just a job title, and that's difficult, but I've learned just to accept it and smile and be who God called me to be. And that leads to number four. You're expected to be on 24-7. Midnight calls late night text.

Speaker 1: 6:04

I can remember the first time this happened Early in ministry. A friend of mine's mom had passed away and he had asked me to come pray with him and I didn't realize we were going into the room where she passed away and gather around her and pray. It was very awkward, but that's what I've learned in ministry. Sometimes we have to be available, but we have to learn to set boundaries. We have to learn to know when to say no, and that can be difficult. One thing that's really helped me over the years is that we set up a care team at our church and we would develop leaders that had that gift of care and they would help take care of those who needed prayer when we couldn't be there. So that helped set boundaries, that helped create some balance, I guess.

Speaker 1: 7:08

And that leads to number five when people leave the church, man, it hurts. I poured into this family, late night calls, hospital visits. I helped them move into their new home and I felt like we were in this for the long haul. They helped me start the church. We were good friends. And then one Sunday they're just gone. I had no idea, no conversation, just gone.

Speaker 1: 7:53

And here's the thing Deep down I thought it wasn't me, but people leave for all kinds of reasons. You know who knows who upset them, who knows what conflict is going on. And it may not be me, but it still feels the same. It still feels like rejection. It's still hard, especially when they don't tell you they're leaving and you just hear it one day we don't know where they are. They just decided to leave and nobody wanted to tell me on the staff because they didn't want to hurt me. But it hurt, it's personal and every time it happens it still hurts. I don't guess I'll ever get good at that. Which leads to number six.

Speaker 1: 8:48

Expect to be betrayed from the people you least thought would hurt you. I always thought my greatest criticism would come from those outside the church Other churches not liking the music we sing or not liking the way I preach, or the community, or somebody that just hated church. You know I could deal with that. The biggest hurt I guess I ever got was not from strangers, it was from those that I had prayed with, those I had ate dinner with, those I had served with. These were my friends and then to find out they're saying things about you, they're criticizing you and they're not telling you to your face. I can take it. If you need to give me constructive criticism, I'm all about that. But this was gossip. This was tearing down man. I still today have to pray through that. It will lead you, if you're not careful, down a road of bitterness and that's not good.

Speaker 1: 10:09

Number seven people measure success by the size of the crowd. I wish it wasn't true, but it is People that are with you and celebrate you and celebrate the church when the crowd is growing, when it's becoming bigger, and it's exciting. I planted a church in 1997 with my family and it grew into thousands. But as the years went by it declined and you start getting questioned. It can be very discouraging, but I still believe numbers matter because numbers are people, and I think we need to pay attention to numbers. Give God the credit when the church grows, because it's not you, it's God, it's His Spirit. He's the one doing the changing and the saving. We need to celebrate him. Big or small, every life matters.

Speaker 1: 11:26

Number eight you'll battle bitterness and even depression. I've always wondered how people became depressed and then it happened to me. Somehow, the life of the church, the difficulties of the church, began to weigh me down in a way I've never experienced before. All the trauma of people leaving, the trauma of people talking about you, the pain your family's going through, about you, the pain your family's going through, and it really put me in a place I'd never been before, a dark, dark place. And I won't share all of that in this video, but I'll say this with the help of really good friends and family, god brought me through that. I learned how to depend on God more than ever. I dove into his word and prayer every day because I really wanted to know he was real and it was true. Did I go through all of this for nothing? And God showed me no, don't listen to the lie, listen to the truth. And I could go on and I could preach about this all day long, but I just want you to know it's real and you need to stick close to God. You need to put Him in your life daily. Okay, we'll move on to number nine.

Speaker 1: 12:59

Your family will be profoundly affected. This one was hard because ministry didn't just affect me. It affected my entire family my wife, my two girls, my brother, everybody involved. What you're going through, that depression we talked about the church, people hurt. All that stuff's real and your family lives it with you and I never saw it like that until the last few years. How difficult it had been on them growing up in church, and I'm glad they did. I'm glad they're serving in church. I'm glad they believe in God. I'm happy about those things. But I wished I'd have paid attention a little more, gave a little more care and understanding to my family, gave a little more care and understanding to my family. What I am proud of is that what we went through brought us together. It didn't separate us. It made us even man. It made us even a better family. We're so tight now and it's been so good for us. Tight now and it's been so good for us.

Speaker 1: 14:31

Number 10, sometimes you'll never feel like you're good enough. Most of the time I've found when I get that way, when I get discouraged about my ministry, my church, my speaking, I usually fall into the comparison trap where I'm comparing myself, comparing my church to other churches, and sometimes that can be good to get a perspective. But what we tend to do, we tend to take that as a negative thing. We tend to get competitive, we tend to let it affect us in a way. We can't function properly, we get irritated, we get angry, we get ill. Why are we this way? What's wrong with me? I'm not good enough. You know, I went to a conference. Well, I've been to many conferences. I heard John Maxwell speak I'm sure you've heard of him and it was amazing, incredible communicator. And I remember thinking at the end man, I wish I could speak like that. And that's good, that's a good goal. But what tends to happen?

Speaker 1: 15:43

We tend to compare ourselves and we get in that trap of trying to be someone we're not. It's like running a race and as you're running you keep looking beside you to the person in the next lane, and if you keep doing that, you're going to slow down. Eventually you're going to stumble. We need to stay in our lane. We need to stay where God has put us focused. He's called you to do a specific ministry not to be like anyone else, because you are designed and you were made to be you and be who God called you to be. So step into that. Believe that. Don't compare so much. Yes, we can improve, but don't compare so much. You try to be somebody you're not. Be who God designed you to be.

Speaker 1: 16:38

Number 11, money will be tight. Money will be tight. I can't tell you how many times I've experienced that in my life, sitting down at the kitchen table and talking with my wife and we're like how are we going to make it? Do I need to get another job? Do I need to get another job? Do I need to get a part-time job? And then I would get angry and irritated with God and I would say I'm giving you my 10% and where are you when I need you? And we can go down that road, and I went down that road many times and God would always remind me of the blessings I have. And I look back on it now and God has taken care of us. He really has, and he's not only changed us financially over the years. He's changed our perspective of what money is and what it's meant for, and I won't get into a big old sermon about it, but I know it's difficult as a minister, as a pastor, especially if you're new in ministry, that money can be challenging. So pray through that, be wise, get counsel, live on a budget. That's my advice.

Speaker 1: 18:13

Number 12, spiritual warfare is real. The enemy will attack you in ways you could never imagine and usually you as a minister or pastor, you or your family, will face the attacks first. And that seemed to happen when God was up to something, when something big was about to happen, you could see warfare ramp up towards you and your family and maybe your staff. So I encourage you to pray consistently, keep God in front, keep the Word of God and His truth in front of you, say it, live it, breathe it every day, so you are prepared for what warfare is coming, because it is coming.

Speaker 1: 19:15

Number 13, leaving a church can be painful, and I know this because I've lived it. I was with a church that I helped plant for almost 28 years and when it came time to leave it was the most difficult thing. It broke my heart, because you're not just leaving a church building. You're leaving friends, you're leaving family. You're leaving a congregation you love and you helped build. You shared some of life's greatest moments with them Salvation, baptism, so many great fellowships that we had together with so many great people, and it was very difficult to leave for me and my family. It doesn't mean you have failed.

Speaker 1: 20:12

When you move on God. Sometimes he asks us to stay and sometimes he asks us to move on to something new. And that's what it's like when you follow him, because it's a calling. We never really settle. When you're called to serve, when you're called to speak, called to lead, called to preach, you never really settle in because God's always moving, he's always doing something new. It took me a little bit to figure that out, because I was so settled that God had to shake me and move me in the direction he had for me. So pray that God will show you your next step.

Speaker 1: 20:57

Number 14, you'll think often about quitting ministry. I can remember Mondays being the hardest day of the week for me. I would preach on Sunday and then be so tired on Monday, and then I would get a comment on Facebook and it wasn't a good comment. Someone didn't like something I said, something the church did they didn't like, and that would stick with me the rest of the week. I had to push through that all the time and it took me many years and still to this day, I have to really pray and work through that to understand that I'm not there to be a people pleaser, that I'm there to give the gospel of Jesus and I'm not speaking to be praised.

Speaker 1: 22:00

God called me. Regardless of what people think of you, god has called you to ministry. I may not, you may not be the best communicator compared to those on TV or those online, but that doesn't matter, because you are called to communicate to those in front of you, those in your life. You have been called to reach and to love and you are more than capable because God put that in your heart. That calling you have has got to be grounded, and when you know that those comments aren't near as difficult because you know your purpose and what you're meant to do. So I want to end with this number 15. It will be worth it in the end People coming back together, families reunited, marriages put back together, someone lost that had been away from God came home. My favorite Sunday is when we have Baptism Sunday. Seeing that life change right in front of you is worth every comment, every negative thing that's ever happened. It's worth it when you see God changing people and you know it's not just today, it's generations. It's kids I've seen grow up in our church and now they're leading people to Christ, generation after generation.

Speaker 1: 23:45

Once you step into your calling, god takes care of the rest. Since my time in ministry I've tried to change my attitude and understand that when things got difficult, god taught me to be humble. He taught me to depend on Him and to understand that he works all things out for my good and he knows what I need and he knows what needs to happen. He's in control of the future. Our job is to keep on going, speaking the truth and loving those, because people need Christ more than anything in today's world. So I challenge you don't give up in today's world. So I challenge you, don't give up. You're going to run into one of these 15 things in your life, but don't give up. Keep pushing through. God has a plan and God has called you to that plan.